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Doctor Who and the Tardis: The OTP to end all OTPs - A Home for the Poetically Deceased [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Never mess with the sacred chickens

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Doctor Who and the Tardis: The OTP to end all OTPs [Apr. 18th, 2006|10:01 pm]
Never mess with the sacred chickens
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[mood |crazycrazy]

Companions come and companions go, but the Tardis is semi-eternal. Yes, she is frequently unreliable, often explodes (but only out of love), needs fuel at the most inconvenient times, and is stuck in an anachronistic shape. But she is also bigger on the inside than the outside, has a gigantic wardrobe full of the Doctor's unfortunate fashion choices, and is telepathic. And blue.

The full (possibly shocking) story of the Doctor's and the Tardis' love lies behind the cut. Not at all dial up friendly. But no spoilers.



This is the Tardis. She is on a prehistoric planet, because she likes annoying the Doctor when he is really trying to go to the shops to get a nice packet of biscuits.
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Sometimes when the Doctor is particularly useless the Tardis will have a little fun with the companions. She's a little bit slutty that way. Here she is blatantly letting Ian and Barbara fondle her while One has his usual 10 hour nap.
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She doesn't like to pick favourites, but if she did she'd probably pick Two. Because he dances for her.
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Oh no! The Tardis sometimes just explodes from the passion all pent up within her.
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But she always puts herself back together. Who wouldn't for Two? Here he is making a vow never to take things that far again.
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Because she wanted to have Jamie clutch the Doctor she took them to Gatwick. Well, she thought it was funny.
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Here is Two giving her a stern talking to about not doing that sort of thing again. This is a family show, he tells her. The Tardis is rolling her eyes.
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Sometimes strange men manhandle her. Because everyone wants the Tardis.
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And women fondle her
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And the Doctor tells them to piss off. Most of the time. Sometimes he takes them in as companions if the Tardis says she liked it.
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Occasionally he has to shut his ears when other time lords try and pretend she loves them better.
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This is Four telling Adric that there is no way the Tardis is going to ever want him. He had to kill him later for this abuse.
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Five sometimes told her long cricketing stories.
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She shagged him senseless to stop him.
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Six is pretending to Peri that there is nothing going on between him and the Tardis.
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And then he climbs underneath the Tardis and reassures her that he will always love her.
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Here is Seven fondlinghandling her console. Perhaps a bit too well as she is exploding.
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The Tardis will never tell the Doctor but occasionally she has a thing with other police boxes.
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When Seven found out about this he was rather grumpy.
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Eight had forgiven her. Here he is doing something quite naughty with the console. Everyone seems very happy, so no problem.
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Nine and Rose posing dramatically. The Tardis doesn't mind: she's confident in her charms. And she will probably pay him back by exploding at some point.
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I am so not putting the obvious caption on this one.
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linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: peeeeeeet
2006-04-19 02:06 am (UTC)
That's all very well, but it was clearly established in my NaNoWriMo novel, which is definitely canon, that the TARDIS is in fact a lesbian.

No, really. That's what happens when I try to write a novel under any circumstances in 30 days.
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-04-19 07:29 am (UTC)
That's all very well, but it was clearly established in my NaNoWriMo novel, which is definitely canon, that the TARDIS is in fact a lesbian.

So this is why Four had to cover his ears when Romana pointed out that the Tardis was lusting after her.... At least K-9 still loves him.
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[User Picture]From: llbatt
2006-04-19 05:12 am (UTC)
Ah dear, that made me laughh my little geeky guts up.

Thanx for a damn good laugh.
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-04-19 07:29 am (UTC)
Glad you liked it!
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[User Picture]From: calapine
2006-04-19 05:27 am (UTC)
Zomg, it is all TRUE.
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-04-19 07:29 am (UTC)
Also, such is the power of Two and his recorder that it is clearly established that the Tardis loves him best.
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[User Picture]From: samantha2074
2006-04-19 07:35 pm (UTC)
But what about all the times the Doctor hits her? Oh sure, he'll treat her nicely afterward and call her a good ship, but then he goes and does it again. She's barely gotten any maintenance or attention since the Doctor persuaded her to run away with him. And the whole bicycle pump thing has to show a certain lack of respect. Poor TARDIS. She needs to find herself a Time Agent or someone who will treat her right!

Btw, here from who_daily
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-04-19 08:20 pm (UTC)
You know what? I think they both might be a little bit kinky. He hits her, she explodes, they both calm down and do it again. And they call this a children's show!

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[User Picture]From: cedara
2006-04-20 12:22 am (UTC)
*giggles*

This was fun!
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-04-20 08:52 am (UTC)
Is that the Doctor's hand doing something naughty with the Tardis in your icon? More proof!
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[User Picture]From: cedara
2006-04-20 09:11 am (UTC)
Yep, he's turning her on. ;)
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From: akire_yta
2006-04-20 03:51 pm (UTC)
i said it before and i'll say it again - slutty!TARDIS likes getting her dials twiddled ;)
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-04-20 09:43 pm (UTC)
But only by the Doctor. And Ian and Barbara because One was a bit useless. And some other people, but she's really sorry about it and apologised very nicely to the Doctor afterwards.
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From: melata_fic
2006-04-20 03:13 am (UTC)
*dies*

Although this clearly breaks up my TARDIS/HEX OTP. ;)
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-04-20 08:53 am (UTC)
The Tardis loves no one but the Doctor! Though she does like to play around sometimes...
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From: melata_fic
2006-04-20 10:36 am (UTC)
True, true. :D
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From: chelseagirl
2006-04-20 05:44 am (UTC)
Very funny!

I was interested in one of your comments on queenofthorns's journal; the one about Mrs. Gaskell and Dickens. So I surfed over here and am enjoying your Who photoessays. Mind if I add you?
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-04-20 08:54 am (UTC)
Glad you liked it.

And add away! Hurrah for Who! And Dickens! And Gaskell!
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[User Picture]From: livii
2006-04-20 09:22 am (UTC)

from who_daily

Loved this. And it's all so very, very true (especially the parts about Two!)
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-04-20 12:50 pm (UTC)

Re: from who_daily

Everyone wants Two. Because he's strangely attractive so reassuring.
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[User Picture]From: lilith_morgana
2006-09-10 07:34 pm (UTC)
Heh. You forgot how Ten SAVES HER LIFE out of the purity of his love.
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-09-11 02:03 am (UTC)
*covets your icon*
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[User Picture]From: alexandral
2006-09-10 09:17 pm (UTC)
This is a fabulous photo essay - I wept a little seeing Dr. Nine because I miss him so much:)
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-09-11 02:05 am (UTC)
Glad you liked it. :)

I miss Nine so much! I was watching some of CE's episodes a while back and began to bewail his departure once more. Sigh.
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[User Picture]From: tinuvielberen
2006-09-16 07:06 am (UTC)

LOLZ

This is absolutely hilarious, especially the Eight caption--he DOES seem to be smirking naughtily, and that shaft is going up and down and up and down...
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[User Picture]From: lesbiassparrow
2006-09-16 04:22 pm (UTC)

Re: LOLZ

Eight is having far too much fun with the console for there not to be something going on there.
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